I said this blog was for a change ... here is the start

I think to myself and wonder what parts of me are now hiding, missing, perhaps even gone....

What did you use to do that you loved and is no more?

Is it because you have grown up and changed?

You lost interest?

Your life style has changed and you no longer have time for yourself?

Money of course causes us to alter ourselves, is that your reason?

What ... why do we change things that at one time meant so much to us???

There is so many things I think of when I say who is Ashley Weatherill and sooo many of that lost or gone when I think of myself as Ashley Brown.

So who is Ashley Weatherill

• A girl who always went after what she wanted - nothing was going to stop me (thats how I got brad right)
• A girl who lived life to the fullest every moment of the day - because I realized young that you never really know how much time you have here on earth so make the most of it.
• An extremely talented and gifted person who took passion in music, writing, and the arts. I have tattoos to remind me of this ...
• A life surrounded with friends .. who most of the time were more like family - although most of my friends have passed away now - they were the backbone to my exsitance.
• Outgoing and fun to be around - the life of the party most of the time

So who is Ashley Brown - Lost

• I still sometimes go after what I want - I did just graduate and I am always starting new ideas - but are these things really what I want or what I feel I have to do....???
• I dont live life anymore - life lives me .... I feel like each day just comes and goes with no real meaning - I did not put an effort to make the most out of it.
• Sure I am still talented - But when was the last time I sat in down and played music (not that I can anymore) I dont know the last time I picked up a pencil and wrote (even though most people dont like my writing as it is kinda disturbed) and the arts - I have not been to anything relating to the arts in I dont know how long.... *sigh*
• Friends - well I have made a few new friends from school and scrapbooking, however, since we moved to welland and out of grimsby - and oh ya most of them are dead ... or lives 2 hours away... they are not the backbone anymore. I think I went from a whole cirlce down to I dont know - Alanna, Becky and Brad as my support.
• HAHAH I laugh when I go out now ... everyone including Brad says that I am not the same outgoing fun to be around me... that Ihave changed and its not all that fun.

Who is Ashley Brown - Found

Becoming this new person of course has had many great things and I dont want to seem like everything has gone downhill.

• I married my best friend ... someone who I have no problem talking to, who listens, and is sooo supportive
• I have the most beautiful daughter and another child on the way
• I have a household, a vehicle, and material things that I would have never had
• I have completed college - something I never thought would be possible
• I have started my own business - www.buildabearparty.webs.com

All of this is wonderful of course I just feel that there is me missing in the mix ....

You know what ... I did write something not long ago ... perhaps then I should have opened my eyes as I read it now .. I realize that for months I still have not done anything...

Do you know ...

I close my eyes and hear the roaring of the waves smashing against the shoreline, I feel the cool crisp air against my skin, the emptiness around me, as I sit here in this life and wonder!

Who am I, who is this woman I have become... Am I the one who was discarded but not forgotten, Am I the rare image your mind portrays and your soal seeks

I am not the sound of my voice or the volume of my laughter. I am not just a wife, mother, sister or daughter. I lost myself somewhere along the way, now how do I find myself again .. or have I ever even really known myself ... Have I walked through this life pretending to be someone you want me to be?

If I died today, how many would mourn me, what would they say?

Who am I?

So what am I going to do????

I dont know really ... how to start ... except that I need to spend more time with my family

1. no computer after 4:00pm (unless for banking, business, or scrapbooking) - Thus allowing me to spend quality time with my family and not being bored wasting my time on facebook
2. Well ... I am a stay at home mom with a newborn on the way so I can not sign up for something yet ... but I am going to look into "mommy and me" groups so I can take the kids out. - This way I get to meet some new people in the same life stage and possibly make some new friends out this way.
3. I need something for me - Brad has golf and baseball, Mykayla has soccer ... so once I am able I am going to sign up for something - not sure what yet ... perhaps a dance class or a writing class. - This way I have something I love and am passionate about back into my life.
4. Try to live my life more positive ... if your not positive and living life to the fullest then please leave me alone - I dont want to be dragged down. So please no complaining, bitching, think of your glass FULL !!!
5. During the day - I spend so much time on the computer and not playing or cleaning or doing what it is I am suppose to ... so on nice days I will be outside w/ the kids. I will have time for computers early in the morning or after lunch. And the TV is going back off.... there will be NO TV on during the day except for movie time (just after lunch) !!

I dont know where else or what else to do ... if you have any ideas please let me know.

ALSO answer the main question at the begining of this whole blog!!!

awww its a new week!!!!

Stag n Doe

Sooo ... first off ... RYAN ALLINGTONS stag n doe tickets are $10.00 and if you know him we are expecting you to buy a ticket!!!! You can purchase them from Brad. Please call us ASAP with how many you would like to purchase. August 15th (Grimsby Arena I think).

Scrapbooking!!!!

So YAY to me I said 2 weeks ago in my blog that I was going to work on my scrapbooking as I am still working on stuff from 2007. I am super proud to say that I have been working away and got 2 2-page layouts done so far. Easter and Halloween!!!! YAY for me.

OOOOOh and yes I got my new book from the party I plan on using it tonight to make some cards and I got my new stamps which some how I will also incorporate into my cards. Cant wait to show you!!!!!



Baby!!!!

Okay .... so have I told you how much my mom is the best.... Really I wouln't have or be anywhere near ready for this baby if she hadn't helped out over the last few months.
She has bought me clothes for the little man 0-3mths and 3-6mth outfits and undershirts and jammies. Also, if you remember we kinda hit a snag about where the baby was going to sleep as we did not have a bassinet and Brad did not want to use the playpen... so of course my mommy steps up to the plate and decides to buy me a bassinet and go all the way to the states to buy my swing so the savings she gets she really put towards the bed!!! YAY so now I have both.

ummm I am 36.5 weeks now ... and I am guessing the baby is coming on the 19th!!!! Brad thinks early the following week.

Life

Soooo ... now onto regular life... lol Barry (brads dad) bless him went up north for the weekend and got us the deck boards we need to make a deck in our backyard. YAY soooo I can see production on the deck starting soon. I cant wait because there are these outdoor living sets that I have been dying to get my hands on !!!! As we are planning on spending most of our summer here at home I thought lets make the backyard SUPER GREAT!!! so that we and our guest love being out there.

My mom opened her pool!! which I cant wait for some really hot weather to come about to warm it up so we can go swiming, and Tanning.

Garden.... so I have 2 HUGE pots of herbs started allready. And we are going to have 5 tomato plants and my mom will have one here too as we have more time to take care of it. We are also going to have some beans and potatoes which I REALLY have to get planted this weekend.

Graduation - TOMORROW - can you believe that I am graduating tomorrow. I did get an outfit to wear which is great because I really was just tempted to go in my sweat pants and t-shirt. But we are all wearing black and white.... we will look sooo cute.

okay okay ... I know this is again getting really long .. lol

ttyl

oooooh nooooooo ....

AWWWW .... so I know I wrote yesterday and I normally only write once a weekkkk... BUT I totally forgot that my stupid grad ceremony is on the 9th!!!!!! (and its already the 3rd) EEEK

SO I got my package and it says that the attire is semi formal - I dont have anything to wear to this stupid thing and my school friends are all getting their hair done and my hair dresser is in Burlington and costs an arm and a leg :(

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?????? I normally dont take off Brads p.j. pants and t-shirts ....lol I have nothing that fits espeically that is dressy. and my stupid ass hair SUCKS when preggo it doesn't want to do what I want it to do......

well as if your emotional mood swings aren't bad enough the last few weeks of pregnancy now I have to try and deal with this and I have NO money to go out and buy something and get my horrible hair done :(

Thanks for letting me vent

A bunch of new stuff going on!!!!

Well not even sure I know where to start ...

I have decided to start another small business ... YAY and its for childrens birthday parties and or workshops. Its where I come to your location and host about 1-1.5 hrs of your party and the children get to build a bear and depending on the package choosen decorate clothes and home.
check out my new website: www.buildabearparty.webs.com

Now I know that I have shared this wonderful website with you before but Vistaprint.ca is GREAT for home business or startup businesses. Today I made and got for FREE the following:

• 25 FREE - Brochures (custom made on web site)
• 25 FREE - Flyers (matching from brochure)
• 1 FREE - small car magnet
• 1 @ 27% off Large Back window decal (matches car magnet) = $10.27

All of this = HUGE savings on advertising, I saved $99.97 and paid a total of only 20.00 for all of the items including shipping!

Every single day this company has new items that are FREE so you can increase your inventory of things really fast and cheap!! leaving more money in your pockets from your profits.

Scrapbooking

Okay ... so if you are on my facebook you have noted that I have a crop night coming up.... Its just a fun way for people who have the same interests to get together and work on projects. I personally love them as I am competitive and like to rate my page against others..lol

I still dont have my new order in yet ... :( so I cant go on and on yet about how much I love my new stuff ... but my ranting will be coming soon.

Baby Stuff

And my last topic as normal ... I am now 35.5 weeks (my mom already had me at this stage) I am at the annoying stage of doctors every single week which means alot of driving to grimsby!! I still need to get some things ready ..

• like the car seats down from the attick and assembled and put into the car.
• I need to pack all of our "hospital" bags as the 3 of us will be in Grimsby for a few days ** fingers crossed we make it to grimsby hospital**
• Need to get to the fabric store to get stuff to make recieving blankets
• Want to buy a new breast pump
• ooooh and the sling!!!!!!

I am glad to say that I have all the diapers as I use G-diapers only and clothes galore now!! I even have some pre-made ready to serve formula for the first few nights we are waiting for my milk to come in!!! The nursery is ready ... but I dont have a bassinet .. not sure what I am planning for that yet ...

wow this is getting really long .. so thats all for now!!!