I said this blog was for a change ... here is the start

I think to myself and wonder what parts of me are now hiding, missing, perhaps even gone....

What did you use to do that you loved and is no more?

Is it because you have grown up and changed?

You lost interest?

Your life style has changed and you no longer have time for yourself?

Money of course causes us to alter ourselves, is that your reason?

What ... why do we change things that at one time meant so much to us???

There is so many things I think of when I say who is Ashley Weatherill and sooo many of that lost or gone when I think of myself as Ashley Brown.

So who is Ashley Weatherill

• A girl who always went after what she wanted - nothing was going to stop me (thats how I got brad right)
• A girl who lived life to the fullest every moment of the day - because I realized young that you never really know how much time you have here on earth so make the most of it.
• An extremely talented and gifted person who took passion in music, writing, and the arts. I have tattoos to remind me of this ...
• A life surrounded with friends .. who most of the time were more like family - although most of my friends have passed away now - they were the backbone to my exsitance.
• Outgoing and fun to be around - the life of the party most of the time

So who is Ashley Brown - Lost

• I still sometimes go after what I want - I did just graduate and I am always starting new ideas - but are these things really what I want or what I feel I have to do....???
• I dont live life anymore - life lives me .... I feel like each day just comes and goes with no real meaning - I did not put an effort to make the most out of it.
• Sure I am still talented - But when was the last time I sat in down and played music (not that I can anymore) I dont know the last time I picked up a pencil and wrote (even though most people dont like my writing as it is kinda disturbed) and the arts - I have not been to anything relating to the arts in I dont know how long.... *sigh*
• Friends - well I have made a few new friends from school and scrapbooking, however, since we moved to welland and out of grimsby - and oh ya most of them are dead ... or lives 2 hours away... they are not the backbone anymore. I think I went from a whole cirlce down to I dont know - Alanna, Becky and Brad as my support.
• HAHAH I laugh when I go out now ... everyone including Brad says that I am not the same outgoing fun to be around me... that Ihave changed and its not all that fun.

Who is Ashley Brown - Found

Becoming this new person of course has had many great things and I dont want to seem like everything has gone downhill.

• I married my best friend ... someone who I have no problem talking to, who listens, and is sooo supportive
• I have the most beautiful daughter and another child on the way
• I have a household, a vehicle, and material things that I would have never had
• I have completed college - something I never thought would be possible
• I have started my own business - www.buildabearparty.webs.com

All of this is wonderful of course I just feel that there is me missing in the mix ....

You know what ... I did write something not long ago ... perhaps then I should have opened my eyes as I read it now .. I realize that for months I still have not done anything...

Do you know ...

I close my eyes and hear the roaring of the waves smashing against the shoreline, I feel the cool crisp air against my skin, the emptiness around me, as I sit here in this life and wonder!

Who am I, who is this woman I have become... Am I the one who was discarded but not forgotten, Am I the rare image your mind portrays and your soal seeks

I am not the sound of my voice or the volume of my laughter. I am not just a wife, mother, sister or daughter. I lost myself somewhere along the way, now how do I find myself again .. or have I ever even really known myself ... Have I walked through this life pretending to be someone you want me to be?

If I died today, how many would mourn me, what would they say?

Who am I?

So what am I going to do????

I dont know really ... how to start ... except that I need to spend more time with my family

1. no computer after 4:00pm (unless for banking, business, or scrapbooking) - Thus allowing me to spend quality time with my family and not being bored wasting my time on facebook
2. Well ... I am a stay at home mom with a newborn on the way so I can not sign up for something yet ... but I am going to look into "mommy and me" groups so I can take the kids out. - This way I get to meet some new people in the same life stage and possibly make some new friends out this way.
3. I need something for me - Brad has golf and baseball, Mykayla has soccer ... so once I am able I am going to sign up for something - not sure what yet ... perhaps a dance class or a writing class. - This way I have something I love and am passionate about back into my life.
4. Try to live my life more positive ... if your not positive and living life to the fullest then please leave me alone - I dont want to be dragged down. So please no complaining, bitching, think of your glass FULL !!!
5. During the day - I spend so much time on the computer and not playing or cleaning or doing what it is I am suppose to ... so on nice days I will be outside w/ the kids. I will have time for computers early in the morning or after lunch. And the TV is going back off.... there will be NO TV on during the day except for movie time (just after lunch) !!

I dont know where else or what else to do ... if you have any ideas please let me know.

ALSO answer the main question at the begining of this whole blog!!!

awww its a new week!!!!

Stag n Doe

Sooo ... first off ... RYAN ALLINGTONS stag n doe tickets are $10.00 and if you know him we are expecting you to buy a ticket!!!! You can purchase them from Brad. Please call us ASAP with how many you would like to purchase. August 15th (Grimsby Arena I think).

Scrapbooking!!!!

So YAY to me I said 2 weeks ago in my blog that I was going to work on my scrapbooking as I am still working on stuff from 2007. I am super proud to say that I have been working away and got 2 2-page layouts done so far. Easter and Halloween!!!! YAY for me.

OOOOOh and yes I got my new book from the party I plan on using it tonight to make some cards and I got my new stamps which some how I will also incorporate into my cards. Cant wait to show you!!!!!



Baby!!!!

Okay .... so have I told you how much my mom is the best.... Really I wouln't have or be anywhere near ready for this baby if she hadn't helped out over the last few months.
She has bought me clothes for the little man 0-3mths and 3-6mth outfits and undershirts and jammies. Also, if you remember we kinda hit a snag about where the baby was going to sleep as we did not have a bassinet and Brad did not want to use the playpen... so of course my mommy steps up to the plate and decides to buy me a bassinet and go all the way to the states to buy my swing so the savings she gets she really put towards the bed!!! YAY so now I have both.

ummm I am 36.5 weeks now ... and I am guessing the baby is coming on the 19th!!!! Brad thinks early the following week.

Life

Soooo ... now onto regular life... lol Barry (brads dad) bless him went up north for the weekend and got us the deck boards we need to make a deck in our backyard. YAY soooo I can see production on the deck starting soon. I cant wait because there are these outdoor living sets that I have been dying to get my hands on !!!! As we are planning on spending most of our summer here at home I thought lets make the backyard SUPER GREAT!!! so that we and our guest love being out there.

My mom opened her pool!! which I cant wait for some really hot weather to come about to warm it up so we can go swiming, and Tanning.

Garden.... so I have 2 HUGE pots of herbs started allready. And we are going to have 5 tomato plants and my mom will have one here too as we have more time to take care of it. We are also going to have some beans and potatoes which I REALLY have to get planted this weekend.

Graduation - TOMORROW - can you believe that I am graduating tomorrow. I did get an outfit to wear which is great because I really was just tempted to go in my sweat pants and t-shirt. But we are all wearing black and white.... we will look sooo cute.

okay okay ... I know this is again getting really long .. lol

ttyl

oooooh nooooooo ....

AWWWW .... so I know I wrote yesterday and I normally only write once a weekkkk... BUT I totally forgot that my stupid grad ceremony is on the 9th!!!!!! (and its already the 3rd) EEEK

SO I got my package and it says that the attire is semi formal - I dont have anything to wear to this stupid thing and my school friends are all getting their hair done and my hair dresser is in Burlington and costs an arm and a leg :(

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?????? I normally dont take off Brads p.j. pants and t-shirts ....lol I have nothing that fits espeically that is dressy. and my stupid ass hair SUCKS when preggo it doesn't want to do what I want it to do......

well as if your emotional mood swings aren't bad enough the last few weeks of pregnancy now I have to try and deal with this and I have NO money to go out and buy something and get my horrible hair done :(

Thanks for letting me vent

A bunch of new stuff going on!!!!

Well not even sure I know where to start ...

I have decided to start another small business ... YAY and its for childrens birthday parties and or workshops. Its where I come to your location and host about 1-1.5 hrs of your party and the children get to build a bear and depending on the package choosen decorate clothes and home.
check out my new website: www.buildabearparty.webs.com

Now I know that I have shared this wonderful website with you before but Vistaprint.ca is GREAT for home business or startup businesses. Today I made and got for FREE the following:

• 25 FREE - Brochures (custom made on web site)
• 25 FREE - Flyers (matching from brochure)
• 1 FREE - small car magnet
• 1 @ 27% off Large Back window decal (matches car magnet) = $10.27

All of this = HUGE savings on advertising, I saved $99.97 and paid a total of only 20.00 for all of the items including shipping!

Every single day this company has new items that are FREE so you can increase your inventory of things really fast and cheap!! leaving more money in your pockets from your profits.

Scrapbooking

Okay ... so if you are on my facebook you have noted that I have a crop night coming up.... Its just a fun way for people who have the same interests to get together and work on projects. I personally love them as I am competitive and like to rate my page against others..lol

I still dont have my new order in yet ... :( so I cant go on and on yet about how much I love my new stuff ... but my ranting will be coming soon.

Baby Stuff

And my last topic as normal ... I am now 35.5 weeks (my mom already had me at this stage) I am at the annoying stage of doctors every single week which means alot of driving to grimsby!! I still need to get some things ready ..

• like the car seats down from the attick and assembled and put into the car.
• I need to pack all of our "hospital" bags as the 3 of us will be in Grimsby for a few days ** fingers crossed we make it to grimsby hospital**
• Need to get to the fabric store to get stuff to make recieving blankets
• Want to buy a new breast pump
• ooooh and the sling!!!!!!

I am glad to say that I have all the diapers as I use G-diapers only and clothes galore now!! I even have some pre-made ready to serve formula for the first few nights we are waiting for my milk to come in!!! The nursery is ready ... but I dont have a bassinet .. not sure what I am planning for that yet ...

wow this is getting really long .. so thats all for now!!!

House sitting SUCKS

OMG .... my moms house sucks!!!! Just so everyone is aware. There is nothing to do here and the animals I am ready to leave the door open and voila they are gone.
I can not sleep here ... Lola (dog) and Poops (Cat) are the worst animals in the universe. They run and play until like 3am ... scratch at the door, barking, whining, aawwwwwwwww
There is also nothing to do here ... not like at home where I have a million and one projects and or I could be cardmaking or scrapbooking. So I will not house sit again!!!

Tomorrow night is baseball ..YAY and Saturday morning is Mykaylas first soccer game :) I am sleeping at home on Sunday and YAY my mommy comes home Monday.

Sooo baby talk -

I am 35 weeks - and of course I have braxton hicks contractions and my body is preping its self for the big day!!! I have not been feeling so hot and getting my self worked up as I know what to expect this time.

Scrapbooking

We had our cardmaking party on Tuesday - I had a great time making a new card - and I bought well Brad bought me this new Card making book!!!! I can not wait for it to come in as they have these workshops in it and I am totally planning on doing one the second I get my hands on the book.

I am making "kits" so to speak for baby cards so I think I will try that out to!!! And I have a new plan that I am going to at least scrapbook 1 page a week to catch up a bit as I am still a year behind and with a new baby on the way I will have less time. So its time to get my creative wheels turning!! lol

If you want to come out and work on stuff too thats great - just pack up some of your things and meet me at my place!!

And it begins again

lol ... well our weekend was soooo great because Brad is home from Chicago!!! YAY.... when someone is away for a period of time it really does show how much you miss them in your everyday life.

Brad was soooo excited when he saw all the work we did in the back yard especially with the garden because he had no idea that I was changing it. And he loved his early daddy's day present of an organized shed w/ shelves and peg board and tool hanging stuff.!!!! so YAY for me!!

sooooo do you remember how Brad was suppose to be gone for 3 weeks not just 2. Well I agreed to watch my moms house and dog, cat and my 18 yr old brother while she was in Jamica..... soooo now I am in Grimsby for most of the week ..lol no Brad again!! but at least we are only a 1/2hr apart ... so if I miss him too much I can just drive up.

+ I left him a HUGE to do list!!! lol

OOOOHHHH YES Tuesday the scrapbooking / cardmaking party!!!! I am sooo excited going to get the prizes tomorrow!! Looking forward to getting my hands on Beccas stamp set!!! lol

well its a short one today ... and dont forget I am in Grimsby!!! sooooo Grimsby people call me at my moms to hang out!

Great Weekend

Sooooo ... I was so frustrated during the week that all the hours I spent out side working it still looked as if I had done NOTHING!!!! I couldn't move the outdoor toys and I could only make small trips with the wheel barrow for dirt it was taking forever.

I am soooooooooooo glad Lawrence came over on Friday cause we worked and organized Brads shed for daddys day :) Its soooo nice, we built shelves, hung peg board, a rake, shovel etc holder and 2 bike racks. Brad is going to be soooo suprised as you could hardly open the door to get in when we started.

Late Friday night Mykayla and I decided to head over to the in-laws as I really needed a brake from being with Mykayla 24-7 and she really needed a brake from me!!!
We spent the night, had a good day and then went into Port Colborne for a dance show... which was soo cute.

And ... the best news ever ... MARC is home YAY.... I went over to his brothers house for a little while to say hello and welcome him home :)

SUNDAY!!! YAY for today ... Thanks to my MOMMY and LAWRENCE we finished the lawn. Lawrence cut the grass that was sooooooooo high the lawn mower almost cut out while he was cutting and my mom whipper snippered the edges. Not only that but Lawrence brought down 4 HUGE wheel barrows full of dirt so my mom and i got the dirt finished in the new garden. And if that wasnt enough we moved Mykaylas outdoor toys so that it looked nice and organized and oh ya put back together. She now has her slide and swing set assembled, the sand box w/ umbrella set up and her play house.

One sad thing .... my mommy stole back her umbrella :( so now I have nooooooo shade so I really cant sit out with Mykayla. Good thing Brad comes home friday as that weekend we are going to go pick out the new backyard furniture - or at least buy the new table and umbrella.

soooooooooooooooooo here is my big THANK YOU MOMMY AND LAWRENCE I really would have not gotten it all done for Brad if you didn't help out.

Frustrating

SOOOOOO .... you know the one thing that I really dont like about being pregnant..... its not the back pain that hurts sooo much this time, its not that the baby is cutting off my oxygen and I keep passing out, its not that he is a kick boxer and almost knocks the wind out of me... really its not all the mornings and or nights that I havent felt good....

Its the part of feeling HELPLESS... I do noooot ask for help, I am not comfortable asking people to assist me in things that I can normally do .... and I really feel I still should be able to do. Is it pride or just me being stubborn I dont know.

But with Brad being gone and so many things around the house that need to be done .... I really feel like I need to step upto the plate and get it done.

• I need to add the dirt to the trenches so I can lay out the grass seed so the backyard is more kid friendly.


• I need to move the landscaping blocks around the garden as I am making it bigger and less square and more round ... then of course add the dirt and plant.


• I desperatly need my grass weed wacked and cut as the grass in areas is up to Mykaylas knees... and yes I wont be doing that my self as they both need to be inspected before the first seasons usage. - and I already tried the weed wacker and its not turning on :(


• I need to get my herbs into the big pots and moved out into the sun so I have alot of fresh herbs and such for the summer.


• AND ... I still need to organize Brads shed and hang some shelves, peg board, and clean it out!!!

SOOOOOOOO ..... this is me I suppose asking for HELP .. please if your free in the day at all and want to help me out with my list of to do.. please come over and give a helping hand.

Baby Info - 33 Weeks

This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. Finding an easy position to sit in — let alone sleep — is becoming more of a challenge. And bumping into chairs and counters is par for the course.

Mommys Day Weekend / Chicago

Well needless to say my weekend was CRAZY!!!! Friday afternoon Brad got home and informed me that his baseball starts ... so we get Mykayla ready and off to HAMILTON we go for his game (Yes he plays on a hamilton team and we live in Welland...argggg) It ends up being a pretty late night and we sleep at the in-laws.

Saturday .... the day from "hell" so to speak. Pete comes to pick up Brad to go over and work on his deck and I am to pick him up at noon. Noon a time that I am really looking forward to as the afternoon is really the only time we are going to have time to spend together prior to him leaving to Chicago.... I get there and nooooooooooooooooo not ready to go they have to finish building this stair.. a job that should have at most taken an hour took 5 thats right 5 hours now its 5:00pm in the afternoon and we still have not had any quailty time... I decide to take Mykayla and go to my mommy's.

Sunday ... ooooooooh sunday my mom had this idea that having the WHOLE family to her house for a pot luck dinner would be a nice way to celebrate mothers day .... Since being pregnant being in a group .. ya not something I enjoy so I spent most of the day/night in my moms room hiding out. Brad wasn't there for the day as he was obviously out golfing with his mommy, but I did finally get to see him on the car ride home and when he packed and when we were sleeping..lol

This morning :( ooooooooooooooooooooo soooooo sad this morning, we were up and out of the house at 5:00am driving to the buffalo airport as Brad is now gone for 2 weeks to Chicago. I am sad that he is gone as I really hate being by myself in our house I scare myself at night time. However, I reallllyyyy will like the paycheck that he will get because he gets a travel bonus of 1.25 per hour and he will be working a full week with the possiblility of overtime. All of his food and everything is paid for so its only money coming in which is GREAT!!!

Well I have so much work planned out to keep me busy this week I have a 4 x4 x4 bag of dirt being delivered to my place so I can finish the backyard and lay some new grass seed. I have Lawrence coming up to clean out the shed and we are going to hang peg board and build shleves for brad as a suprise. David is coming up to inspect the lawn cutting thingy and the wipper snipper as Brad never got a chance to make sure evertything was fine on them .. hummmm what else ...
I need to go into Kitchner and get my buggy and possibly some more baby items .. :) YAY mom and I are going to have a blast with that!!!
OOOOh yes and this weeks activity with Mykayla is the Bird Kingdom !! shes pretty excited about going to see them! - if you wanna come out just let me know!

Thats all for now - baby doctor appt today .. wonder how many pounds I gained this last 2 weeks

Partys over - now to think about arriving baby

Well I am so proud to say that Mykaylas birthday party is now OVER!!!! It was a lot of work and preperation. I was up Saturday untill 3:30am with Becky finishing the cake and most of the decorations. I awoke really early with Brad to re-clean the house and set up. We had to hang all the decorations and set up the tea party. All in all the kids had a really great time and so did the adults, and of course Mykayla made out like a bandit once again.

Soooo.... with the party out of the way and Brad getting ready to leave for Chicago ... a realization has set in that OMG I am 32 weeks already can you believe that I have only 8 weeks left. I feel like I am nooooooooooooooooooooooooo where near ready this time around. When you are having a child of the opposite sex .. shockingly you need almost everything over again. Thanks to my mommy we have lots of clothes to get us started... THANKS MOM But I still need so much ... Just to name a few ....

1. Sit n Stand stroller
2. Baby Monitor (mine got lost)
3. Carry me near bassinet
4. swaddle wraps
5. receiving blankets
6. born free glass bottles
7. bibs
8. Kushie and G-diapers
9. Kushies bassinet and crib sheets
10. Close to my heart baby sling (from becca)

awwwwwwwwwwww when am I going to find the time and oh the money to get all this stuff... eek.

So I leave you with this question today: Is it wrong to have a baby shower or a meet the baby when it is your second child???? - I am registered at Babies r us if you would like to help out. (and the stuff that really says yellow - I really want blue ... some reason it wont go blue)

Oh yes .. and this coming weeks "event" is the bird place in Niagara Falls - if you would like to join just let me know

Decorations Begin!!!

well well well ....

Yesterday was a great day - Mykayla, ALicia and I went to the Indoor Playground and had a really fun time. Mykayla was sooo tired but its a great way to spend a rainy day.

I also convinced Brad to take me to staples and the dollarstore to buy art supplies so I can get started on the decorations. I am doing 3 - Alice, the cat, and the madhatter (face cut out).

TODAY!!! - YAY I worked my butt off today drawing and painting Mykaylas decorations. I got 2 done so far and am hoping to finish the 3rd tomorrow as my back is killing me... see pictures below.

HUMMMMM..... my days at home have been getting better ... although its challenging to keep a almost 3 year old busy and away from the TV. Looking forward to this Friday - YAY scrapbooking idea launch book - its a great way to get out of the house.

SAD NEWS - I got bad news today - Brad is leaving to go to Chicago on the 11th for 2.5 - 3 weeks AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW oh well at least its work.

Okay well thats all today...

Day 1 was hard

Sooooo ... I am not to suprised that I feel like I want to pull out my hair ... I had a really hard time. When we first brought Mykayla home I was a "Stay at home mom" for 4 mths, it was very difficult as we had moved to Welland - and I knew and still no nobody, we only had 1 car so brad took it to work and I felt trapped in my own house.

I thought now it would be easier as I have my own car - so Mykayla and I can go out on special trips and although I dont know anyone still out here Mykayla is older so she plays a whole lot.

My day was still very hard.... I really need to work on my pateients more and the understanding why a 3 yr old would rather eat peanut butter and jelly after I already made lunch.....

Day 2 - Going to the Indoor Playground - suppose to rain tomorrow and I dont like the TV on in the day so going out !!!

Anyone wanna come and play - we are going to go to cheeky monkeys in St. Catharines lets say at 10:00am

When one door closes another opens

Wow ... for the last three years I have been a mommy, wife, and STUDENT!!!!

My student life is coming to an end tomorrow as I write my last exam. I am very excited to be finished as I dont know how much longer I could sourround myself with some of my class mates and to be able to take some time to myself and relax. At the same time I am kind of sad that this venture is over.... I have finally finished a post secondary education - although I plan on continuing in the future it wouldn't be full time. Soooo... a chapter in my life book is closed.

My life as mommy starts again, not that it ever ended but its back on as a FULL Time position. Mykayla who is turning 3 on May 6th will be home again with me full time and July 3rd we are expecting our little boy to join our family. Its very different being home this time already as Mykayla is so advanced and has a crazy imagination ... she can play for hours by herself in her play room which really does give me time to clean the house. Not only that but I have started introducing Mykaylas chore list..lol

• She MUST feed her dog at dinner time
• Put away the towels
• Clean her room - basically arrange her toys and put clothes in hamper
• And pre-vaccum before I can vaccum

I plan at staying home with the kids for a year then Mykayla will be starting school and I will consider going back to work part time.

Staying at home is a very big change as I get bored very easily and dont want to feel like I am stuck. So this summer Mykayla plays soccer on Saturdays, Brad has Baseball friday nights - something we really enjoy going to watch. Wednesday nights I have cake decorating classes and the 2nd thursday of each month scrapbooking. I plan to introduce dance classes for myself back into the mix but have to wait and see how my body will react to breastfeeding to see if I have to wait. ooooooooooooo yes and Brad goes golfing on Thursdays with the boys.

I also plan on a once a week trip to do something fun, my list so far is this ...

1. Marineland - Adults 39.95 Mykayla/chase FREE
2. Zooz - Adults 10.00 (w/ coupon) Mykayla / chase FREE
3. Bird Kingdom - Adults 16.95 Mykayla/ Chase FREE
4. Butterfly Conservatory Adults 11.50 Mykayla/Chase FREE
5. Hiking
6. Indoor Playground Mykayla 5.00, Adults FREE, Chase FREE
7. Memorial Park(Splash Pad) FREE
8. Childrens Museum Location / price unknown which one yet
9. THE BEACH Car laod 10.00 or FREE

If you wanna join in on any of my activities I will post what we are doing weekly, we would love the company.